


You Cant Always Get What You Want

by KiwiChick42



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha Castiel (Supernatural), Alpha Castiel/Omega Dean Winchester, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Kid Fic, M/M, Minor Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Misunderstandings, Omega Dean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2017-05-04
Packaged: 2018-10-22 03:18:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10688679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KiwiChick42/pseuds/KiwiChick42
Summary: Dean knew there was no chance of the white picket fence life he'd always dreamed of. Sam, on the other hand, had plans to change that for his brother. If only he'd agree to go on one last date!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Had this in the works for a while, just wanted to get the first part out there to see if anyone liked it. Should be 4 parts, so 4 chapters. Let me know if you like it, i will continue it, but the more motivation the better lol. I've got another fic on the go at the moment to, so whichever gets the most kudos or comments gets the most attention from me! 
> 
> Any questions are welcome, and remember to show me some love if you liked it :)

__“So, ah, Dean, there’s something we want to tell you.”

The omega tensed, because no good conversation ever started with those words, and Sam looked ten kinds of nervous. Dean glanced at the apple pie he was eating. Something nagged at him, but didn’t fit until he realised they had eaten his favourite meal and they were drinking his favourite beer too.

All his favourite things, almost as if the couple in front of him were trying to butter him up…

Dean then looked up and noticed Eileen hadn’t touched her beer, but was discreetly only drinking water from the pitcher on the table. An odd buzzing feeling started right in the pit of his stomach, so he carefully put his fork down, and wiped his mouth with the napkin by his plate.

His brother looked worried, like he had done something so awful that Dean would never speak to him again. Like that could ever happen. It wasn’t Sammy’s fault, none of it was, but that didn’t stop the headache starting to throb behind his eyes, or the tightness in his throat. A bit better than last time, but not by much.

Dean looked at Eileen, and he attempted his most sincere, warm smile. “How far along?” His hands trembled as he signed the words, but he managed, and he was proud of himself for it. He could be an adult; he could suck it up for his little brother and his mate.

Eileen looked beyond relieved. Did they really think that little of his mental stability? They really didn’t give him enough credit. Sure the first time, they hadn’t heard from him for three weeks, and he couldn’t remember a large portion of those weeks, but that was five years ago. He’d grown a lot as a person since then. Well, he hoped he had.

“I’m due in September, about the middle, they think.” Dean liked Eileen, she was good to Sam, and she kept him in line. Told him when he was working too much, took him on enough outings with the kids to break him out of the lawyer mould be crafted himself into. Dean saw her sneak a quick look to Sam, who nodded and smiled. Her hands shook around the signs, but she was a strong woman, Dean knew from experience. “But, um, they might come a little earlier, like last time.”

Well, shit, he really couldn’t handle that. So much for being an adult.

“Oh! Wow, twins again? Damn Sammy, you guys are pretty – pretty fertile, aint ya.” Dean scratched the back of his head, and racked his brain for an excuse to leave early. He could feel his stomach churning, but the rest of him was numb. He was so happy for his family, but two sets of twins? Really? “I guess you’ve gotta make up for my barren ass.” He hadn’t meant to say it, but stuff just slipped out when he was upset. Couldn’t really blame him.

Poor Sam and Eileen just stared at him, and Dean watched in horror as tears started trailing down the other omegas cheeks. Well fuck, he’d just gone and made a pregnant chick cry. Best night ever.

“I’m – I’m sorry.” Dean stood, quickly rubbing his hand over the middle of his chest in a gesture of apology, over and over again. He stumbled backwards, grabbing his coat as he went. “I really am happy for you guys, I swear.” Dean was close to the door, but it didn’t look like either the alpha or omega at the table was going to stop him. They knew he just needed time to process, to cool off. “Thanks for dinner, I’ll uh, I’ll see you later.” Dean opened the door and ran before he dug his grave even deeper. Why was he such an emotional fuck? Damn the universe for giving him everything an omega had, except for what he desperately wanted.

His hands were shaking when he tried to unlock the impala, but he wasn’t drunk. Far from it, everything was vividly clear, startlingly bright in the darkness of the night.

Once he was in the car, his only baby, he calmed down some. Hearing the rumbling purr of her engine steadied him, and he was able to pull onto the motorway home without killing himself. As the red eyes of traffic tried to stare their way into his soul, Dean turned the radio to some random channel and hoped for distraction. Of course, the universe was never kind to Dean Winchester.

As the opening cords of a familiar song thrummed through the car, and vibrated their way into his aching heart, Dean was convincing himself that the universe was truly out to get him. He sang along with the words, breath hitching every few lines, and he knew he was done for when the chorus started.

 _“No, you can't always get what you want”_ Dean’s chest ached under the strain of keeping himself together, but he could do it, he had to. _“You can't always get what you want, You can't always get what you want, But if you try sometime you find, You get what you need.”_ He would never get what he needed, and that thought was the last straw.

Dean only made it two miles before he had to pull over, his vision blurred by the tears threatening to spill. As the car idled to a stop, Dean put his head in his hands and drew in a racking sob. He didn’t bother restraining himself; just let it all out in a shaking, chest heaving mess. He knew he was thinking like a child, but goddamnit, it just wasn’t fair. All he wanted out of life was a mate and some kids, but he was destined to live alone. What self-respecting alpha would want a thirty five year old barren omega? He couldn’t tie one down anyway; it wouldn’t be fair to them. They deserved everything he couldn’t give them. His throat felt as if it was going to close completely, and his eyes hurt like a mother fucker, but he had to get home. He had work in the morning, and really, it was one of the only things that kept him going some days, apart from Sam and his nephews, of course. He _loved_ those kids, more than anything.

He gave them all the love he would never be able to give one of his own.

* * *

“Dude, it’s been three months, _please_ just hear me out.” Sam was whining, and Dean _hated_ it when his brother whined. He just imagined a giant puppy staring at him with those big brown eyes _._ Fuck.

It had only taken a few days for Dean to get a hold of himself and send Eileen an _I’m sorry I’m a dick_ basket. Full of things he knew a pregnant omega would want, chocolate, pickles, peanut butter, buttery popcorn, all the good stuff.

Sam was currently convincing him to meet another one of his alpha workmates. Dean cringed when he thought of the last dickbag he’d been matched up with. _Why_ Sam thought he would like the guy, Dean would never know.

“Sam, the last guy, what was his name – _Zachariah_? Yeah, no. The first thing he said to me was _you’d have made nice pups, what a shame._ What a fucking _shame?_ ” Dean heard Sam sigh, and he knew his brother was wearing a mighty bitch face.

“I know, I know, I’m sorry. He told me he didn’t care, because he’s divorced and has some kids, but I guess he lied.” Dean had flat out refused to go on any other _dates_ his brother set him up with, so he didn’t know why he was trying again. “But this guy, dude, I just _know_ you’ll like him. You have so much in common, just trust me.” Dean rolled his eyes.

“Then why the hell didn’t you set him up with me before dick face?”

“Because he’s only worked for the firm for a month.” Well, ok, that made sense. But… he didn’t want the night to be just another boring pity fest. If he could just go out with a nice guy without his shame being all out there, maybe that would be ok. Then he’d tell the guy it was nice, but no thanks.

“Ok, but don’t tell him about, _you know,_ I just want to have some fun, alright? That’s the only condition.” Sam sighed again, like Dean was being the hardest damn person to please, but finally agreed.

He was gonna have a nice, fun night with a guy, maybe get a quick kiss or two, then hightail it back to his sad, lonely apartment, with his sad, lonely life.

What was the worst that could happen?

* * *

Dean trailed his fingers up and down his cold beer, following the dripping streaks of condensation. He’d arrived early to get a good seat, somewhere secluded and quiet, because on a Friday night the Roadhouse was always pumping.

He looked around, and from the description Sam had given him of his date, he hadn’t arrived. Ellen smiled at him from behind the bar, so he tipped his head in her direction. Thank Christ it was Jo’s night off, or she’d have been all up in his business. Not something he needed whilst on a date.

Dean hoped the alpha he was meeting didn’t have the wrong idea. Male omegas were rare, and alphas literally _fought_ over the opportunity to mate with them. Not that that had ever happened to Dean, of course.

He sighed dejectedly as he formulated an excuse for the end of the night, _if_ the alpha actually wanted to see him again, which might not actually even happen. He’d lost his ego a long time ago, around the same time he’d realised he’d no doubt be alone in life. Such were the cards he’d been dealt.

Sliding his fingers through the ring of water his glass had left on the table, he didn’t notice the warm body standing next to him until it suddenly cleared its throat. He swallowed the startled yelp but couldn’t hide his flinch of surprise. When he looked up, he was immediately aware of two things.

One, the alpha before him was fucking _gorgeous._ Like, seriously, it was as if someone had picked out every one of the things he found physically attractive in an alpha, and blended them into the guy before him.

God fucking _dammit._

The second thing, of course, was the overwhelmingly enticing smell wafting towards him. How had he not noticed it before? Subtle hints of pine, a fresh forest after a heavy rain, and the mouth-watering aroma of melted honey. It was safety, home and everything he could possibly want. To be frank, it was pretty damn devastating.

The alpha shuffled awkwardly before him as Dean had his internal melt down, but he gathered himself quickly. He didn’t want to look like a total dick in front of the guy. He stood, slapped on a smile that he hoped didn’t look too forced and stuck out his hand.

“Uh, hi.” Wow, smooth moves tonight. “I’m Dean.” He watched nervously as the alpha looked down at his hand with a scrunched up frown across his brow. Finally, after Dean was sure he would start getting light headed from holding his breath, the alpha finally took his hand.

“It’s nice to meet you, Dean.” Holy _fuck,_ that voice. “My name is Castiel.” The alpha released the omegas hand, much to his disappointment, and smiled. “It’s good to know the description Sam gave me was accurate.” Dean thought about the description Sam had given _him._

“ _So what’s he look like?”_

_“Uh, kinda dishevelled? Dark hair, blue eyes, he’ll probably turn up in a suit.”_

Dean, returning to his seat, blinked slowly at the alpha getting situated across from him, and tried to absorb as much as he could while he was otherwise occupied.

Dean was taller, but not by much. Because Castiel was an alpha, he seemed bigger than he actually was. It was a good defence mechanism, but it also just made Deans mouth water. The guy was in a dark blue suit, as Sam had said he would be, and for some reason that Dean couldn’t fathom, his tie was on backwards. Dean’s fingers itched to fix it, but he thought that would be a bit presumptuous for the start of a first date. The alpha was also wearing a tan overcoat, which he was in the process of taking off. It looked good on him; Dean doubted anyone else could make such a benign thing look so damn sexy. Dark, messy hair framed a lightly tanned, kind face. Bright blue eyes which undeniably caught Deans immediate attention, flashed back to hold Deans gaze.

The omega’s breath stuttered and he quickly thought of a conversation starter. “Uh, um, so how did Sammy describe me?” Dean took a sip of his beer, which did absolutely nothing to quell his nerves. The alpha chuckled, and the sound had Deans heart stuttering like a scratched record.

“Well, I believe his exact words were _tall, blonde and dressed like an eighties rock band tribute member.”_ Dammit Sam, what the hell! His brother would definitely be hearing about that. He looked down at his jeans and tee shirt, covered by his lighter canvas jacket. There wasn’t anything wrong with how he dressed. Castiel must have taken his silence for what it was, embarrassment. “But that – that doesn’t mean _I_ have a problem with how you dress.” Was he – was he _blushing?_

Oh sweet Jesus on a cracker, Castiel was gonna kill him.

Dean bit his lip, and he couldn’t help but notice the alphas eyes dart down to the flesh clutched between his teeth. The omega released his lips, licked them softly, just to be a tease, and smiled. “So, uh, Sam said you just joined his firm,” Castiel nodded, and took a draw from his own beer, his hand shaking slightly. Dean momentarily lost his train of thought as he watched the alphas throat work. “What do you do, exactly?”

Castiel launched into detail about his job, which was apparently child defence cases, _seriously,_ was the universe _trying_ to kill him, but Dean wasn’t really paying attention. He was trying to figure out how the hell he was going to say goodbye to the alpha at the end of the night.

It just got worse as the night went on, as Dean learnt just how much he liked the alpha. He actively ignored the mouth-watering scent that wafted towards him every time the alpha moved, either while describing an interesting case, or talking about his biggest love, apparently keeping _bees._

“Yes, I know it sounds unusual, but they are the most pleasant little things to keep.” Dean knew his mouth was open slightly, but what, he’d never actually known anyone that kept bees before. Sure he knew they made honey, and it tasted awesome, but that was as far as that thought process went.

“So, like, do you keep them at your house or…” Dean let the question trail off, because he really didn’t know what he was asking. Castiel was just a huge bundle of contradictions, big tough alpha, keeping tiny little bees and representing children in the justice system. He really couldn’t get more attractive to Dean if he tried.

“No no, I have a small plot just outside of town. My parents left me the land, but as it has no house on it, I have no use for it yet.” Dean bit his lip, _hard,_ trying to pummel down all the images that sprang to mind, building their home together on the little bit of land Castiel had, filling the house with –

“That’s awesome, dude.” Dean hoped Castiel hadn’t picked up on the slight, traitorous, tremor in his tone, or the longing and sadness in his scent. Castiel was unlike any alpha he’d ever had the pleasure of meeting. No posturing, leering or judgmental looks, just a quiet, almost shy smile, and the most sincere eyes Dean had ever seen.

It broke his heart.

Castiel was talking animatedly about something his bees had recently done, but Dean couldn’t find it within himself to fully concentrate. He nodded and smiled, laughed in what he hoped were all the right places, but all he could think about was how perfect the alpha was. He was literally everything Dean had ever hoped for, in the dark, lonely nights spent bitterly torturing himself.

The alpha would never actually want him, once he found out what Dean was hiding. Dean couldn’t keep it to himself, and Sam clearly hadn’t said anything, like he had asked. Dean owed it to Castiel to be honest, so the alpha could make his own decision. The thing was, he didn’t know if he were strong enough to be honest to the alpha. He was a big boy, and he was plenty used to rejection but he just knew, that coming from Castiel, it would be the hardest one yet to take.

When their food arrived, Dean took the opportunity to text Sam. It wasn’t really his brother’s fault, but he felt he needed to vent some of his feelings.

**_Dean:_ How could you do this to me dude?**

Castiel moaned around the first full taste of his burger, and Dean couldn’t help the tiny whine that escaped him, because _fuck._ The alpha froze, mid bite, and settled his azure eyes on Dean. Then he fucking _growled._ Dean’s heart skipped a beat, and his face grew hot under the unrelenting gaze of the alpha before him. When he felt his groin grow warm and tense, he forced his eyes away. He couldn’t afford to get all hot and heavy with the guy in front of a whole bar full of people. Apart from the fact it would be horrendously embarrassing, he’d to have to tell him to stop, that it couldn’t happen no matter what he wanted, which would probably end the date early, and not in the good way.

How in the hell was his life that unfair.

The text tone of his phone broke their staring contest, both of them blushing way too furiously for two grown men. Dean dipped a French fry in some sauce while he checked his phone. He knew it was rude, but surely Castiel wouldn’t mind, especially since he seemed to be having oral sex with his food.

**_Sam:_ What?**

**_Sam:_ Did he hurt you? **

**_Sam:_ Dean?**

The omega snorted at his brother’s immediate conclusion jump. Just because he could give birth, didn’t mean he was a damn wilting flower.

**_Dean:_ I’m fine, he’s fine. Actually, he’s too fine. He’s fucking perfect man. **

Dean sighed and picked up his own burger. His appetite wasn’t really there, but he couldn’t ignore the food in front of him without the alpha noticing. He could say he felt sick, but like hell he wanted the date to end early. Fuck, he never wanted it to end, like, ever.

He was so _conflicted._ Sam, through no fault of his own, usually set him up with assholes, so it was easy to skip out early after a free meal. But Castiel…

“Are you enjoying your food, Dean?” Castiel wiped the remnants of his own burger off his face with a napkin, and started on his fries. Dean nodded, and attempted a full cheeked smile. The alpha returned it, nose crinkling in what had to be the cutest thing Dean had ever seen.

Just as he was cleaning up his plate, his phone chimed again. Smiling at his date, he opened the message, and sighed.

**_Sam:_ I don’t see the problem dude.**

Of course he didn’t, Sam might be a lawyer, but he could be damn dense sometimes.

**_Dean:_ You didn’t tell him about… me. That means I have to. Its gonna suck major balls. **

Sam’s response was quick, and to the point.

**_Sam:_ Oh. **

Dean didn’t bother replying, he just set his phone to silent and put it back in his pocket. Enjoying what was left of their date was more important than having a go at his brother. He’d only been trying to help after all.

* * *

After they left the bar, the alpha insisting on paying, of course, they made their way across the street to a small park. The sun had long set, but the lights strung up among the trees illuminated their way. Castiel hand brushed against Deans every so often, his soft skin leaving a fire in its wake. Despite not wanting to lead the alpha on, Dean couldn’t help being a little selfish, so the next time it happened, he laced their fingers together.

Castiel’s breath stuttered, and he released a happy sounding rumble at the contact. “I must admit, I had a very nice time with you tonight.” The alpha didn’t sound surprised or anything, he just sounded… _happy._ Dean swallowed the lump of emotion in his throat, because he knew he would be the one to shatter that happy mood.

“Uh, yeah, same.” Dean murmured scratching the back of his head with his free hand, chuckling darkly. He on the other hand, _was_ surprised, considering the fuck muppets Sam had unknowingly set him up with in the past. Castiel tilted his head to the side in apparent confusion, and Dean’s heart danced inside his chest. “Uh, Sam has a habit of setting me up with assholes. No offence.” Castiel laughed, and squeezed Dean’s hand.

“None taken, but I know what you mean. I haven’t been working long with Sam, but some of the other people we work with can be such … _assbutts_ sometimes.” Dean barked out a surprised laugh, because hearing Castiel swear was the funniest thing ever.

They were walking over a small bridge, so Dean tugged Castiel to a stop to look at the glistening water below. The date was going to end soon, much to Deans distress, so he had no choice but to tell Castiel what needed to be said, and soon. The alpha stood close to him, their sides touching, searing Dean in each place of contact.

_Now or never._

Dean turned to the alpha, and found himself staring into blue eyes. Dean bit his lip, a subconscious nervous habit, and Castiel’s eyes immediately locked on. Swallowing, Dean tried to give his confession.

“Cas I –” Dean was silenced with a finger to his lips, and a soft hand cupping his cheek.

“I don’t know what you’re about to say, but first; I would very much like to kiss you, is that – is that alright?” Castiel’s eyes were wide and bright with nerves, but he was being so _nice_ , asking first, so how the hell could Dean say no to that?

Dean nodded.

He expected Castiel’s kissing style to be like he was, quiet, gentle and careful.

Oh how wrong he was.

Castiel surged forward, and Dean couldn’t stop the whimper that escaped. Soft, chapped lips met his, hungry in their task. One hand fisted his short hair, while the other clenched and unclenched sporadically around the back of his neck. The omega closed his eyes and just went with it, perfectly at ease with being led down the slippery path Castiel was paving for them.

An insistent tongue probed at the seam of Dean’s lips, and the omega was powerless to stop its assault. His chest tightened, and Dean didn’t know if it was from lack of breath or the inevitable look that would appear in Castiel’s eyes when Dean told him why they shouldn’t be together, why Dean didn’t deserve someone as perfect as Castiel as a mate.

They pulled apart, finally, to prevent themselves from passing out. Dean’s heart shuddered painfully in his chest at the look of deep contentment and excitement shining in the alphas eyes. Castiel licked his lips, and trailed his fingers along Deans flushed cheeks.

“I would like to see you again, Dean.” Castiel rested his forehead against Deans, and the omega whimpered. The war raging within him was something fierce, but he didn’t have a choice. He had to tell the alpha, before the omega lost himself completely to the fantasy of a loving mate and non-existent family. 

Pulling away was the hardest thing he’d ever done, barring what he had to tell Castiel. He doubted he would ever be able to erase the look of disappointment and hurt that would cross the alphas face.

“I ah, I need to tell you something.” Dean looked at his feet, too much of a coward to face the alpha. Castiel’s hand had dropped to hold Deans again, but he didn’t shrug it off. Some part of him needed the small connection.

“Whatever it is, you can tell me.” Castiel sounded so damn sincere; Dean almost believed it might not be a big deal. He knew better though. Gathering his courage, he looked up at the alpha and tried to reveal his biggest shame.

“I don’t think we should see each other again.” The words fell out of Dean’s mouth, but not the ones he meant to say. Dean felt the alpha freeze, but he didn’t pull away. His blue eyes crinkled at the corners in confusion, and Dean saw flashes of hurt and disappointment, exactly what he had feared. Maybe Castiel would just leave, and Dean wouldn’t have to explain himself.  

“Can I – can I ask why?” Castiel’s voice wavered just that little bit, and so did Deans resolve. In just one night they had found their perfect partners, and Dean was about to shatter that into a million, unsalvageable pieces.

“I just – I can’t – _shit._ ” Dean slipped his hand out of Castiel’s and turned away. He felt like he was burning up, and falling apart, all at once. He just had to get it _out._ He whirled around and stared into the stunned face of his date. “I can’t see you because I don’t want to lead you on into something that isn’t gonna go anywhere, Castiel.” Dean was stalling, but he just couldn’t get the words out.

“Dean, I don’t understand –” Dean just shook his head and opened his mouth.

“I can’t –” He couldn’t do it; he was too much of a damn coward. He wanted Castiel to have at least some respect for him, and he’d loose it all once he found out Dean was just an empty vessel incapable of doing his earthly duty. “Its personal, you wouldn’t understand.”

Castiel blinked, and did a damn good impression of a fish out of water. Dean shuffled his feet, wanting desperately just to run the fuck away, back to his one bedroom apartment and comfortably adequate existence.

“It’s – it’s alright if you don’t want to explain.” It didn’t look alright, and it certainly didn’t _smell_ alright. The alpha was positively gushing with unhappiness and unadulterated pain. “I just thought… we have such a _connection._ ” Dean was finding it _very_ hard to keep his composure, when all he wanted to do was throw his arms around the alpha and scent the absolute shit out of him. But he had to get through it, for Castiel’s sake, more than his own. He was already damned, no need to drag the alpha down with him.

“I had a really great time tonight.” Dean winced at how he sounded, but he wanted to at least part on good terms. Castiel though, seemed to be having a hard time even standing. The alpha was breathing heavily, leaning against the railings of the bridge. Dean was starting to feel the beginnings of a possible alpha rage appearing, so he started backing away. He’d seen it happen before, and he was damned if he wanted a repeat of _that_ shit fest. “I’m just gonna… go.” He didn’t give Castiel a chance to recover; he just booked it straight to his car.

Texting Sam on the way back to his apartment, he realised he was done dating. There couldn’t possibly be anyone more perfect for him than Castiel, so what was the point, really.

**_Dean:_ No more, ok?**

Sam didn’t even need to ask.

**_Sam:_ Sure dude, just talk to me when you’re ready, ok?**

Maybe he would make a decent lawyer after all.

* * *

Three weeks later, and Dean still felt like shit.

He couldn’t get the alpha out of his head, the blue eyed beauty invading his dreams and nightmares. He couldn’t even count the number of times he had woken up with the sheets wrapped around him in a cocoon of cold sweat, sadness and longing.

Sam had text him a couple of times, mainly to ask what the hell had happened, because Castiel had apparently called in sick the next day for work. Poor guy, Dean had really done a number on him.

Ripping the blankets back, the cold hit him hard. He deserved it, he reasoned, it matched his cold, dead heart. Castiel was a fantastic alpha, from the few hours Dean had spent with him he knew that, so he deserved better than a useless old omega who couldn’t give him what every alpha wanted.

Dean was destined to never know the love and warmth of a family, not counting Sam and his brood, and he couldn’t live with himself if he sentenced Castiel to that as well.

A hot shower didn’t help improve his mood, and neither did work.

“So, a little birdy told me you went on a date.” Benny, the big, squishy alpha brute, laughed at Deans scowl, and thumped him hard on the back. The car he was working on rocked in place, and Dean shot a hand out to steady it. Benny forgot his strength sometimes, but it did come in handy working at the garage. There weren’t many alphas around, and for that, Dean was thankful. Betas just didn’t go as crazy around a male omega as alphas, and lucky for him, Benny was already mated.

“Dude, that was weeks ago, and Dean gave the guy a great big DENY!” Damn Sam and Ash being so friendly. He’d thought Sam would have at least respected his privacy, even if Ash didn’t. Dean just licked his lips and went back to the car he was working on, while Benny growled at Ash. The beta just laughed and sauntered back to the office. Benny turned back to Dean, concern wafting from every side.

“What was wrong with this one, cher?” Benny was his best friend, so he knew all about Dean’s reluctance to tie an alpha down with his bullshit baggage. Dean sighed, and gave up working on the car for the time being. His thoughts were too tumultuous to concentrate on what he needed to do safely. He turned to face his friend, and for once could give someone the absolute truth.

“Man, there wasn’t anything wrong.” Benny scrunched his face up in confusion, as Dean had expected he would. Wiping his hands on a rag, he leaned back on the car. “He was… perfect.” Dean knew he sounded love sick and sappy, but he was past caring. If he couldn’t have Castiel in real life, he could live on in his fantasies. “He was hot as hell, polite, respectful, goddamnit he even _asked_ before he kissed me!” Dean growled unhappily and threw the rag on the floor in a huff. Life was so unfair sometimes.

“I don’t actually understand the problem, Dean. Sounds like you found your, ah, mate.” Benny scratched his short beard and raised his eyebrows.

“That’s the whole damn problem! I found him, and I can’t fucking _have him._ ”  Benny sighed, and shook his head while Dean scuffed his boot on the ground.

“Did you tell him about, ah, you know…?” Benny trailed off, gesturing to Dean’s middle. The omega just snorted and rubbed his belly self-consciously. He could sort of joke with Benny about it, but that was it. Dean shook his head.

“Nah, I wanted a half decent date, without, you know, the _looks_ and the damn judgement _._ ” Benny nodded in understanding, but still fixed him with a look.

“But you did tell him _after_ the date, so he could, you know; _make his own decision,_ right _?_ ” Dean felt his face heating at Benny’s tone, and what he knew the alpha was insinuating. Benny took his silence for what it was a big, glaring, _no._ “Dean Winchester, you have got to be the most stubborn, hard headed son of a bitch I’ve ever met.”

Dean huffed and glared at the alpha. “You know why I did it, Benny. It’s not fair on him, and I’ll be damned if I take anything away from him. He works as a child defender, for fuck sake. That man was _born_ to be a father.” Dean felt the familiar ache of longing start deep inside, but he ignored it; work was no place to get emotional. Well, even more emotional than he was being, anyway.

The bell to the shop rang, and with it a gust of wind flowed through the door. Dean immediately sagged against the car, when the mouth-watering scent of _mate_ washed over him. “Oh holy god, _no._ ” Dean ducked behind the car, just in time too, as he saw in the cars wing mirror, Castiel scenting the air and looking their way. Benny waved, being the good natured alpha that he was; he couldn’t pass up the opportunity to be polite.

“So, I’m gonna go ahead and assume that’s him?” Benny was trying so hard to hide his smirk, and by the looks of it, he was failing miserably. Dean just nodded, and slid down further. He really didn’t want Castiel knowing where he worked. The last thing he needed was a stalker, not that he thought that Castiel would do such a thing, but an omega couldn’t be too careful.

Dean’s head whipped up at the sound of Benny’s deep voice, further away than it should have been _._ He chanced a look over the bonnet of the car, and he swore his heart stopped. Benny was talking to Castiel, and he really had no reason to. That was, until Benny pointed right at the car Dean had taken refuge behind. That _traitor_ was ratting him out!

Muffled footsteps approached the car, and he searched desperately for a reason to be down on his hands and knees behind a car.

Ah ha!

Plastering a smile on his face, and hoping his scent followed his lead, he scrambled up off the ground, right into the arms of his perfect alpha. At a loss at what to say, he smiled and scrunched the dirty, oil covered rag in his hand. “Ah, um, got it!” His smile faded when he saw the sadness covering the alpha’s face. He smelt defeated and resigned; Dean hadn’t even known there was smell for that.

“Hello, Dean.” Castiel sighed out his name like he was last person he wanted to see, but Dean ran with it.

“Heya Castiel, how you been?”  Castiel scrunched his face up, in what must have been confusion. Dean didn’t blame him, really. Dean owned a fully functioning nose; he could make his own assumptions.

“I’ve been… _better._ ” Dean winced at Castiel’s tone, because it was his fault and they both knew it. Benny was hovering in the back ground; Dean could see him dusting one of the cars, which, what the actual fuck _why?_   “After our _date_ ,” Castiel looked away, and blew out a breath. “Well, you must have triggered my rut, which wasn’t due for another month at least.” Dean was sure his blush covered his entire body in about three seconds flat. “It was… uncomfortable.”

Dean felt like curling up into a ball and dying right there. A rut right after an alpha found their mate, and failed to consummate it? That would have been all kinds of painful. “I’m – I’m so sorry man, I don’t know what to say.” He really didn’t, because he didn’t get heats. Yeah he smelled like an omega, and had the hormones, but that was about it. He was useless from an evolutionary standpoint, but sometimes Mother Nature got it wrong, like it did with him. Not that he dwelled on it a lot, or anything.

Castiel looked like he was in pain, and his scent went along with it. Dean wanted out of the conversation, but he didn’t know how to bow out without hurting Castiel further. Had he had trouble with his car, or had he purposely sought Dean out to make him feel like shit?

“Did you…” Castiel seemed reluctant to finish his question, and Dean had a fleeting thought of not wanting him to ask. “Did you have a spontaneous heat, by any chance?” Well, looked like Castiel was trying to figure out what Dean already knew. How Castiel found the balls to ask him right out, Dean didn’t know, but he was an alpha after all. Dean had a choice to make, either he lied to Castiel, once again, or for once, he could lay it all out and let the poor guy decide, like Benny had suggested.

No one could say Dean Winchester was a coward, forevermore.

“I didn’t, no.” If it were possible, Castiel face fell further and the poor alpha looked devastated a second time. Dean hated seeing that look on his face.

“Well, I can see this has been a mistake.” Castiel gathered himself quickly, and set his jaw. “I am sorry for bothering you at work, Dean, but I had to be sure.” Dean just nodded, but grabbed Castiel’s arm as he went to walk away.

“I didn’t, because I can’t.” Castiel stilled, and looked up at Dean, uncertainty written plainly across his face. “I don’t get heats, I can’t have kids, and I couldn’t trap you in a relationship I knew you wouldn’t want!” Dean raised his voice, because he really had to get that bit out there. Castiel had to know that he did it to protect him. Castiel was just standing there, frozen, staring at him. “I didn’t – I couldn’t do that to you. I’m sorry.”

“You – you couldn’t tell me, give me the cold hard _facts,_ so I could make up my own mind?” Castiel looked pissed, and Dean didn’t blame him. Dean’s stubborn reluctance to share had caused the alpha an extremely uncomfortable rut, one which, if Dean had been honest and actually let himself have something nice, they could have shared.

“I said I was sorry, man, I can’t change what’s happened.” Dean was getting lightheaded from Castiel’s pheromones, and keeping himself from wrapping his limbs, all of them, around the alpha, was getting harder by the second. They were just going around in circles; there was no point in Castiel staying any longer than he had to. He opened his mouth to say goodbye, when a hand shot out and wrapped around the back of his neck.

“I am well versed in dealing with children, _Dean;_ do not make me bend you over my knee.” Dean’s eyes widened, he was ashamed to admit, in arousal. Dean was fairly sure Castiel didn’t go around hitting kids, but the threat of a spanking, _well._ It was the biggest display of pure _alpha_ that Dean had seen from the other man. Castiel lowered his lips to Dean’s ear, and growled. “Why do you think your brother set us up?”

It was Deans turn to be confused, because that didn’t make sense. Sam said he wouldn’t tell Castiel about his condition. “Sam didn’t –” Castiel shook his head, taking a step back but not letting go of Dean’s neck.

“He didn’t need to. I heard rumours around the office, your failed dates spoke for themselves.” Dean looked away, reddened face ablaze. “I asked Sam to set us up. He did take some convincing, but I had to try because I _knew_ we had something in common. I just wanted to give you the chance to own up to it yourself, to accept that there truly is nothing wrong with you, but I see that you still need some help in that department.” Dean had no idea what was happening, and he couldn’t decide whether it was a good thing or a bad thing. The threat of an alpha rage still hung over their heads.

“I really don’t see what the whole point of this is, Castiel.” Dean really didn’t want to get his hopes up, but it was kind of hard when Castiel was looking at him the way he was.

“The _point,_ Dean, is that I also, cannot sire offspring.” Castiel was shaking, enough so only Dean could see or feel it against him, but it was enough to tell him that Castiel was barely holding on. He was just as scared as Dean was, taking just as much of a chance on whatever they could be, as Dean. Finding out that Castiel couldn’t have kids either, that was kind of a surprise, but with it came the cold hard relief of guilt washing away like footprints in the sand.

Dean made a choice, then, to take what he wanted. To for once, have something that was just for _him,_ to make him _happy._

“So, um, how about that second date?”

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't like re hashing chapters from the opposite POV of the person in the same situation, but i thought this gave some valuable insight into Castiel's feelings towards Dean so... i did it. It will probably be the only Castiel POV chapter, because this really is a Dean-centric story. 
> 
> Read on and enjoy! Let me know what you think, the good, the bad, the unintelligible?? My baby was up last night at 12.30..3...5 and 8. Its hard to write whilst in the midst of sleep deprivation. I can see why it's used as a torture device **Crying Face**

“… Omega brother of Winchesters,” Castiel ceased working on the mountain of paperwork before him.

Two as yet unnamed associates of his were leaning against the far wall, but their conversation was loud enough for him to hear, even as far away as he was. He had heard tell of Sam’s brother around the office, but he had not had the opportunity to enquire from the man himself. It seemed every time the omega was mentioned, Sam acquired a somewhat pinched look about him, and the conversation quickly stopped.

“Yeah, _I heard_ there’s something wrong with him.” The alphas eyes narrowed in distaste. “Probably fun for a good time, but other than that…” It was one thing to gossip about a work colleague’s relatives, it was entirely another to judge him for something that was likely out of his control.

Castiel knew the feeling all too well.

The alphas body tensed as the two betas laughed, probably at the expense of Sam’s brother. Without a word, Castiel rose like a spectre from his desk, ready to put his physiology too good use and hopefully scare the living daylights out of the betas. He was just about to navigate his way around the mounds of paperwork that overcrowded his small office, when a brown haired, shaggy head made itself known around the frame of the door.

“Heya Castiel, ah, you got a minute?” Sam looked pinched again, which meant he had likely overheard what Castiel had. Looking past the other alpha, all Castiel could see was bare wall, and tacky potted plants. Castiel turned his blue eyes back to Sam and curled his lips up in what he hoped was a welcoming smile. Maybe those uncouth buffoons had given him the key, and he could open the door to asking about the mysterious omega.

“Of course, Sam, how may I help you?” Castiel stepped back and swept his arm wide, gesturing Sam inside his small, cluttered office. Sam slumped down hard in the only chair other than Castiel’s available, and ran his large hands through his long hair in a gesture Castiel was becoming familiar with. Sam was under a lot of pressure, as was Castiel, but as far as Castiel was aware, Sam had a family which was expanding exponentially, while Castiel did not.

He pushed the thought away. Work was not the place for wallowing, nor thoughts of a future he had little hope of gaining.

“The Trenton case, have you got the arrest records?” Nodding, Castiel went back to his desk and rummaged, quickly coming up with the file Sam needed. Passing the thick manila folder to the other alpha, Castiel settled himself back behind his desk, tapping his finger against his chapped lips. Sam nodded after a while, lips thinning angrily into a barely there grimace. “Fuck, _fuck._ ” Sam sighed and passed the file back, visibly upset. “Those fucknuts didn’t file the arrest report properly, so the _asshole_ can just walk right out of county like nothing happened.” Castiel was aware of the case, having dealt with the family once or twice. Sometimes he wished it were within his power to just tell the partner to _run,_ run like their life depended on it, and sometimes it did. But no, nine times out of ten, they stayed, only for them to end up just another statistic.

It was always hardest when children were involved, but usually, the threat was against them, so the mother stayed to protect them. It made Castiel’s blood boil that anyone would dare harm a child, but that was why he had chosen to become a lawyer in the first place, to represent those that had no voice of their own.

“It’s our job to help those that we can, Sam.” Sam looked up at him, tired eyes a testament to just how much the other alpha cared about the cases he took on. Sometimes their clients crossed over, and they had worked together a few times. Sam had taken to seeking him out, outside of their usual caseload, asking his advice, his knowledge of the system. “It can be troubling to hold onto all those that we cannot.” Castiel had learnt a long time ago to follow his own advice, lest he burn out and be unable to help those he could.

Sam tipped his head back and growled, sending a shiver of latent aggression down Castiel’s spine, but he easily ignored it in favour of lacing his fingers together in front of him. He quickly made the decision to segue into the conversation about Sam’s mysterious brother.

“I hope you don’t mind me saying, Sam,” And the other alpha tipped his head in a nod before Castiel allowed himself to continue, “But you look stressed.” Sam chuckled, shaking his head slightly. Sam knew as well as Castiel that the job itself was an exercise in stress management every day, but more than a healthy dose was cause for concern, as Castiel was pointing out.

“Nah, I know what you mean, don’t worry.” Sam murmured, obviously lost in thought. Suddenly, he leaned forward, hands together as if in prayer. “I mean, homes just like usual, loud and fun and all that.” Castiel kept his gaze level and hopefully questioning, rather than the grimace he wish could grace his face. Talking about such things had become easier with age, but he still found them hard to take, sometimes, especially after an especially galling case. “It’s just my brother, he –” Sam paused, clearly thinking hard about which words would come next. “He’s taking Eileen’s pregnancy pretty hard for, ah, his own reasons.”

“Of course.” Castiel replied, tilting his head to the side. He wouldn’t push Sam for an explanation, he could make his own assumptions.

“I’ve tried setting him up with some work _associates_ in the past, but none of them worked out, for whatever reason.” Sam was chewing on his lower lip, clearly juggling some internal debate, while conversing with Castiel. “I just – I want him to happy, you know?” Sam looked up, hazel eyes pleading silently for the other alpha to agree.

“There is nothing wrong in wanting those close to you to be happy.” Castiel hoped his words helped ease Sam’s worries but he couldn’t help a small amount of anticipation grow within him. He swallowed hard and dove right into what he prayed wouldn’t be a gross exploitation of their growing friendship. “Tell me about your brother, what is he like?” Castiel waited with baited breath for Sam to answer, watching for any tell-tale sign of discomfort, or gods forbid, aggression.

“What’s Dean like?” Sam seemed to stare off into the distance for a few seconds, before a fond smile graced his features. “He’s a stubborn jackass that thinks no one can see through him,” Sam took a breath, before continuing his affectionate tirade. “But he’s so loyal, almost to a fault. He’d deny himself something if he thought someone else were better off him not having it, and he’s so good with his nephews, it’s such a, a universal tragedy that –” Sam stopped, looking at Castiel in thinly veiled surprise, and for some unfathomable reason, _guilt._

Castiel chose not to push, because he had an inkling of what Sam was about to reveal. It may have scared the alpha off, and that was not the goal Castiel was aiming towards. “You mentioned you had tried to set your brother up with some of our _esteemed associates?_ ” Sam snorted, body language agreeing with Castiel silently.

“Yeah, but none of them - well, let’s just say they didn’t work out.” Sam said, again looking off into the distance. Castiel didn’t know how much it would take to convince Sam to let him try and court his brother, but he endeavoured to try.

“Were there any specific things these alphas had in common?” Castiel inquired, in order to decide whether he was, in fact, an acceptable choice for the stubborn, loyal omega being described to him.

“Well, they’re all assholes.” Sam replied ruefully. Castiel laughing along with him, agreed readily. “I just – I thought he’d like at least _one_ of them, you know?”

“Well, Dean obviously had his reasons, baffling as they may be.” Castiel thought maybe, he should wait to see if Sam cottoned on to what their conversation was really about. However, he didn’t know when his next opportunity would come about to talk to Sam regarding his brother. So, he took the initiative, hoping it didn’t blow up in his face. “I would be very grateful for the chance to see what those reasons were, if I may.”

Sam stopped fiddling with a loose thread on his jacket, to look up in confusion. “Are you – are you asking me if you can go on a date with my brother?” Castiel didn’t know what to say, other than the obvious.

“Yes.”

* * *

Parking his Lincoln outside the Roadhouse, Castiel cast his eyes over the wooden exterior, reveling in the rustic sense of the place. He was inexplicably nervous, despite talking to Sam at length about what to expect. He was _expecting_ to be met with a happy go lucky, independent omega that looked like a more feminine version of Sam.

What he encountered, however, was the most mouth-watering, stomach tightening sense of _perfect_ he had ever experienced in his life.

Without even having talked to the omega, Castiel knew he was lost. Short, well styled hair sat atop a lightly tanned head, and even though Castiel had yet to see his face, he knew Dean was beautiful. Everything Sam had told him about his brother, even the parts he omitted, solidified the picture in his mind that Dean was, simply, different.

It remained to be seen if the omega had the same view of himself.

Catching a whiff of the omegas scent almost brought Castiel to his knees. He prayed to some unnamed deity that Dean would not scent how he affected his body, which would be highly embarrassing. Not to mention completely inappropriate for a first date.

Gathering himself together, Castiel growled lowly in his throat, hopefully disguising his possessive sound for something else. He smirked when Dean let out a small yelp of surprise. Practically jumping out of his seat, the omega swept his eyes up and down Castiel’s rapidly heating body, eyes noticeably darkening, but nothing could eclipse the iridescent forest green that shone from those eyes. Castiel was so swept up in Deans eyes; he almost missed the hand thrust out almost awkwardly in front of him.

Not wanting to keep the omega waiting, he took his hand and squeezed, noting the fine tremor that ran through Dean at the contact. “It’s nice to meet you, Dean.” Castiel made sure to deepen his already low voice, delighting in the effect it had on the other man. “My name is Castiel.” He released Dean’s hand, and tilted his head to the side, taking the chance to properly evaluate the man before him.

And a man he _was._

Sam had described him, with slight mirth, as dressing as if he were following the tour path of a band which started in the nineteen eighties. Castiel had had to research just what Sam had meant, but after meeting the omega, he could see what the other alpha had meant. A dark tee-shirt, covered by a green canvas jacket, hugged his lean, muscular body, a sight which had Castiel physically having to restrain himself. His long, _bowed legs_ were clad in well-fitting jeans which hugged in all the right places.

Castiel situated himself on the other side of the booth, even though his body hummed at him to get closer, to _touch._ He shook himself slightly, not allowing the primal urges of his body to steer him. He had control, he was _alpha._

A bar maid had helpfully brought him a beer, and he thanked her as he took off his coat. All was well until she dared make eyes at _his_ date. Narrowing his eyes at her, she scurried away when she cottoned on to Castiel’s presence once again, but Dean hadn’t seemed to take in the little scene at all, as he was just _staring._ Castiel wondered if he even knew he was doing it.

Castiel raised his eye brows, and made a point of putting his coat down heavily, so as to coax Dean from his trance without embarrassing him. Castiel warmed at the attention, however. Maybe Dean found him pleasing, at least on an aesthetic level.

Dean seemed to shake himself from his revere, and the small talk began. Castiel happily regaled tales of his bees, and entertained Dean with stories from his work. Castiel was having a wonderful time, but he couldn’t help notice Dean’s strained smile, or how he had what seemed like a short conversation via text. With who, Castiel didn’t know, but it was worrisome.

Maybe Dean wasn’t as interested as he thought.

Castiel couldn’t help the blush that heated him when Dean started on his food. The noises the omega made heated the very core of him and it took everything within him not to leap over the table and mount Dean then and there. Calming his thumping heart, Castiel smiled hesitantly at Dean.

What Castiel didn’t expect was the wash of emptions to play across the omegas face. Even though he obviously strove to hide them quickly, they were still very prominent. What elicited such a response to just a smile, Castiel was unsure, but he had a burning suspicion it had to do with the rumours that abound his office.

He hadn’t asked Sam outright what was supposedly _wrong_ with Dean, but Castiel honestly couldn’t have said himself. Dean looked, from the outside anyway, absolutely perfect. He was brazen, confident and funny. Yet despite that, he was still shy, demure even.

From what he had gathered from the insipid gossips from work, Dean could possibly have the same affliction as he himself, suffered from. It would be as if fate had thrown them together if the case were true and even more fortunate if Dean felt for him, as much as Castiel feared he felt for the omega.

All too soon the bill arrived, and Castiel snatched it up before Dean even had the opportunity to protest. He was the alpha, after all. He was progressive in most fronts, but there were some things he still thought were proper, even if it were only on a first date. Some base part of him wanted to show Dean, to prove to him, that he could provide for them both.

They found a small park across from the bar, and meandered around the rough paths until they found a bridge. Somewhere along the way, Dean had laced their fingers together, and Castiel couldn’t contain his deep rumble of contentment and joy. He had noticed the way Dean had grown wistful when he had mentioned the land his parents had left him, upon which his beehives sat. Castiel was already beginning to see a future ahead of them, and he couldn’t help the flare of hope and excitement it filled him with.

Dean was radiant, glowing in the light of the lamps illuminating their way. Every single part of Castiel was in agreement, that Dean was perfect, no matter what the omega before him thought.

The other man started speaking, but Castiel drew their bodies together, wanting nothing to spoil the tender, precious moment that had unfurled between them in the silence.

“I don’t know what you’re about to say, but first; I would very much like to kiss you, is that – is that alright?” His hesitation was entirely for Dean, he didn’t want to do anything to scare the omega away. By what he had heard, Dean was frequently at the mercy of _assbutt_ alphas.

His breath caught when the omega nodded.

Casting aside his restraints, Castiel enveloped the omega, running one hand through gloriously silken hair, while the other took its rightful place at the back of Dean’s neck. Castiel’s fingers twitched and shook with the need to touch, to _feel,_ but he kept that at bay, lest he frighten Dean off. He didn’t know how the other alphas treated Dean on their excursions, but he would keep theirs as innocent as he could. He brought their mouths together gently, despite his eager _need._ Velvety smooth, spit slick skin met his embarrassingly chapped lips, and he bit down a groan. Dean was everything and more that he desperately wanted, had denied himself for so long because of his cursed affliction.  A soft whimper tumbled from between Deans pink lips, and Castiel could hold himself back no longer.

He shifted slightly, hoping the omega didn’t feel, or gods forbid see, exactly how much Dean had affected him. His erection pressed insistently against his, thankfully, tight fitting underwear. They would hopefully keep it from becoming noticeable.

Tracing his tongue around Dean’s mouth, he licked and nibbled anything to gain entrance to that warm cavern so close, yet so far. Finally, Dean relented and allowed Castiel admittance, almost bringing the alpha to his knees with the taste of pure _Dean._ Castiel lost himself in the sensation and decadence of who he was beginning to think of as his mate, for he must be, if all the signs his body were giving him rang true. Dean finally pulled away, looking absolutely debauched, pink lips puffy and slick. So lost was he, that he failed to think about any chance of rejection.  

An ever burgeoning feeling of helpless attraction and excitement for the future eclipsed everything else. He was very quickly falling for the flushed, green eyed omega in front of him. Licking his lips, he brushed his fingers down Dean’s heated cheeks, a new spark of need igniting in him when Dean leaned into the touch.

Resting his forehead against the omegas, Castiel let out a contented breath. “I would like to see you again, Dean.” A small part of him started to panic when Dean whimpered, and disentangled himself from the alphas embrace. He shrugged it off, because of course Dean would want to continue their new found relationship, they had such a blatant connection, and it was lunacy to deny such a thing.

“I ah, I need to tell you something.” Dean would not meet his eyes, but that was not unheard of in omegas. He still held Castiel’s hand in his, so it could not have been anything too dire.

“Whatever it is, you can tell me.” Castiel squeezed Dean’s hand, sounding as genuine and truthful as he could, since Dean still hadn’t met his eyes. Of course Castiel would adhere to whatever Dean instructed, as innocuous or painful as it may be. Castiel may want Dean more than he had ever desired anything else in his long life, but he was still a gentleman.

Dean finally looked up, and Castiel smiled at the beautiful green eyes that greeted him. As much as Castiel’s own eye no doubt reflected his unreserved happiness, Deans were covered in shadow and something else he couldn’t place. A deep sense of foreboding filled him, slowly sucking away every good feeling from the night they had just shared.

“I don’t think we should see each other again.” Castiel froze as ice immobilised him, sending searing cold along his very bones. Surely Dean couldn’t be serious, the omega was just scared, he knew the feeling. He didn’t relinquish Dean’s hand, as it could very well be the last time he had the touch of his soulmate. Castiel searched Deans gaze, trying in vain to see for what reason Dean was causing them both so much anguish. When he couldn’t find what he desperately needed to know, he asked, his voice cracking, shaking like the very earth beneath his feet.

“Can I – can I ask why?”

Dean stood before him and looked absolutely distraught, no matter how much he endeavoured to hide it. Castiel could see right through Dean’s mirage, but he couldn’t fathom _why_ Dean thought they shouldn’t with what they had. “I just – I can’t – _shit._ ” When Deans hand slipped out of his grip, Castiel felt, in the very depths of his being, their connection sever. It took everything within him to keep a semblance of calm, even as the rough waters of his inner self threatened to drown him. “I can’t see you because I don’t want to lead you on into something that isn’t gonna go anywhere, Castiel.”

“Dean, I don’t understand –” Castiel was numb, every nerve ending denying the fact he was being rejected by an omega that was his perfect equal.

“I can’t –” Dean seemed at a loss for words, and his eyes were darting around frantically, almost as if he were searching for a means of escape. All at once, he was deeply ashamed of himself. It was his job to _protect_ Dean, and there he was, frightening him. That wouldn’t do at all. He gathered what strength he had left, leaning against the guard rail of the bridge in the hopes of some support, and gave it one last go.

 “It’s – it’s alright if you don’t want to explain.” Castiel breathed through his mouth, hard, to try and stay lucid enough to keep talking to Dean. He was quickly succumbing to the darkness inside him, and a thought flashed through his mind that maybe Dean was better off away from him anyway. He swept the traitorous thought aside the instant it tried to invade his mind. He had had a life time of self-deprecation and denial. If Dean didn’t want him… “I just thought… we have such a _connection._ ” He didn’t understand why Dean smelt so conflicted, but he didn’t have the brain power to form a proper sentence, let alone decipher the intricacies that were Dean Winchesters apparent self-worth issues. He would find him again, when he wasn’t about to … he didn’t know, and that scared him more than anything.

It was _safer,_ for the both of them, for Dean to go.

The omega muttered something, but Castiel could only stare hungrily at his retreating back, heart tearing itself from his chest with every muffled footfall.

* * *

Castiel didn’t know how he managed to make it back to his abode unscathed, but in some miraculous turn of fate, he had. Indeed, the trip back to his small home was fractured and blurred, much like his own sense of self-worth.

His heart thudded painfully in his chest, reverberating around his head like a herd of stampeding cattle. It was a most unsettling sensation, one he was entirely unfamiliar with. Dean had brought out a side of himself that was totally at odds with his usual self, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

Dean had also unearthed some long buried part of Castiel, a part he had not acknowledged in a very, very long time. He had thought, with the right person, Dean would have seen how perfect he was, and that there was nothing wrong with him. But it seemed Deans insecurities ran deeper than what Castiel had inferred. The fact that all the alphas before him chose to belittle and demean Dean, render him worth only what his basic biology could offer, enraged him. It also made sense to him, how Dean wouldn’t trust just another alpha that his brother set him up with. What made him different from the past knuckle dragging knot heads that wished to court _his_ omega?

The difference was, Castiel’s body was convinced Dean was his mate.

Stumbling unsteadily across the entryway to the hallway, Castiel braced himself against the wall as a shudder shot through him. It reminded him, strangely, of the beginnings of his rut, but that wasn’t due for another month at the earliest. He shook his head, because that wasn’t a possibility. It was just his body responding to the _rejection_ of a possible mate, that was all.

After taking some pain pills for the headache threatening on the boarders of his mind, Castiel undressed and prepared for what he expected to be a very restless night.

* * *

The morning did not bring about an ease to Castiel’s condition, indeed, it only seemed to have deteriorated. Sweat pooled in the small hollow at the top of his sternum, and spilled forth, sliding down between his pecks when he sat up, groaning.

He shook his head, trying in vain to dislodge the muffled, uncomfortable feeling of pure _heat_ radiating from his very core. Realisation washed over him as he trailed his fingers downwards, goose bumps erupting in their wake. Fire enveloped him when his hand finally enclosed around his engorged flesh, a howl leaving his lips unbidden when he realised what exactly was happening to him.

Dean, his _omega,_ had triggered a spontaneous rut.

Which could only mean one thing, of course.

Castiel cast it from his mind as soon as the thought dared enter his space. It was unlikely to even eventuate, since Dean had _rejected him,_ so there was little point in dwelling on it.

Concentrating on the reality facing him in that moment, he knew he would have to deal with the aching flesh between his legs before anything else. The alpha closed his eyes, and pictured a faceless, nameless body with golden skin and green eyes and –

Castiel growled, and would never admit that it ended on a sob. Dean was everywhere, teasing him, taunting him, holding the life they could have had together hostage with no hope of escape.

Holding himself tightly, probably a little more painfully than he would have normally, Castiel took that first tentative stroke and was lost.

He collapsed back onto his sweat soaked sheets, giving no heed to the mess he was about to make. He would take care of that when the hell he was about to go through was over. Looking down, he assessed his phallus, trying to gauge how bad his rut would be. Usually he could tell, based on the general size of his uninflated knot, how intense the three days following would be, but it was only a rough guide.

What he saw, was somewhat concerning.

His cock was a deep, deep red, veins standing out proudly from beneath the skin. The flushed head leaked copiously despite still being nestled within his foreskin. It would not emerge until he reached orgasm, trying in vain to reach the warm final resting place of his seed, the _rightful_ place. Castiel knew he would not be impregnating anyone, even if Dean was there, but his body did not understand that. Even without the end product, the mechanics of its creation still remained.

His knot sat an inch above the base of his cock, rumbling like a long dormant volcano threatening eruption. Castiel shivered, because by that alone, he knew the next few days would be some of the most uncomfortable he had ever endured.

Thrusting steadily, with a frankly ridiculous amount of precum slicking the way, he imagined Dean stretched out in front of him, preparing himself for his alpha. Ghostly fingers, slick with Deans own saturations, probed at his entrance, easing the muscles apart to accommodate his considerable length. Castiel groaned at the image, sweat and precum alike, dripping from him in droves.

Shivering in the early morning light Castiel couldn’t suppress the almost overwhelming feeling of loneliness that crept over him, covering him in a cloak of sadness. Stifling a sob, he picked up the pace of his hand, because at least after he finished he could collapse back into the calming darkness of sleep.

As his orgasm neared, his hand bumped continuously over his knot, which was almost ready to expand. Using both hands, one at the base, wrapped around his almost popped knot, the other flying over his pre-release covered cock, he threw himself over the edge.

Come spurted violently in a vain attempt at seeding its intended target, even though it had no hope of succeeding. His body would act as it should, even though the desired result was impossible. Squeezing his knot, Castiel milked out load after load, unconscious of the mess he was making of himself, and his bed. The alpha shook as wave after wave of pleasure wracked him, almost to the point of pain.  

Sobs choked him, threatening to steal the very air from his lungs. He wanted Dean so _badly,_ everything in his body was screaming for him to claim his omega, his _mate._  When he finally stopped ejaculating, spent cock laying heavy and unsatisfied between his legs, he didn’t bother holding back his tears any longer.

What was the point, really, it wasn’t as if there was another person around to judge him.

Or to hold him through his chest heaving, convulsive gasps.

* * *

By the third morning, his rut had finally subsided.

At some point during the vague blur that was his rut, he had called Sam to let him know he would be out of work for a few days. The alpha had sounded concerned, which he appreciated from his friend. When he asked what the problem was, and if it had anything to do with Dean, he feigned ignorance and just went with the common cold. He did not think it his place to talk to Sam about how Dean had rejected him, and he hadn’t had it in him to get into a discussion anyway.

Fixing himself something to eat when he finally felt semi human again, he sat at the table and pondered his date with Dean. Everything had been going well, and then Dean had started to withdraw. Castiel couldn’t explain it, but he burned with curiosity to find out.

He endeavored to get to the bottom of the mystery that was Dean Winchester, no matter what. He was a lawyer, after all, it was his job to investigate, reveal the truth and get the best outcome for all.

**Author's Note:**

> The smut and stuff will be in later chapters, namely, the next one lol. Sorry!!


End file.
